One of the most discouraging parts of the Christian faith is when God shows me massive sins in my life (lately, selfishness, pride, control). Why do I find it discouraging? Because I stop there. My sin is reviled to me but then I channel it to more self hatred, self pity and shame.
Instead of trusting in what Jesus has done on the cross I act as if it isn’t enough. I treat the cross as something that I want to believe is true but I don’t rest in it. Instead I strive. I try. I work hard to pay for my sins myself, even though I know I’m never going to be a big enough sacrifice.
But by doing this I’m missing the point. I’m putting me at the centre of my life instead of God. I am putting my worth and satisfaction in worldly things, in people, experiences, and honestly if I do this it will destroy me. I won’t find true love, joy and peace unless I look to him, unless I rest and trust in him and trust that what he has for my life is good (this doesn’t mean I won’t struggle but it does mean there is a purpose in the struggle).
Why am I telling you this? Because I know I’m not the only one. I know that someone reading this may feel like I do. May feel as though this world is destroying them.
But let’s not stay there. Let’s trust in what he has done in the cross and this means I don’t have to climb on the alter myself. It means that I can turn to him, repent, know I am truly forgiven and get up and try again. And I will do this time and time again. And every time he will forgive me, he already has. It’s finished. The war is won, but we are called to stay in the battle, even though it feels like it’s not worth it. Jesus is always worth it.