When depression doesn’t take a holiday

Christmas is a time of family, celebration, love. It’s a time where we come together. Where we share about our lives. But what about when you wake up on Christmas morning feeling like you don’t want to face the world, when you end up crying in a room by yourself, or when life still feels hard, overwhelming. When the anxiety that comes along with depression doesn’t let up and all you want to do is curl up in bed but you can’t. 

I don’t know how your Christmas was (mine was pretty good), maybe you pretended the whole day and now you have to deal with the fall out, maybe you cried the whole day. 

I want to tell you it’s okay. Because on any other day of the year you’d be struggling, why would Christmastime be any different. Even though we are supposed to be happy in the cultures eyes it just is not realistic. I struggle most days, and keeping up the pretence that I am okay, and pushing how I feel down and suppressing it, never works. Because at some point, it has to come out. At some point how you feel will bubble over. This may be when you snapped at a family member when it was uncalled for, or when you cried because someone didn’t react to the gift you got them in an enthusiastic way. It can be more serious too, the suicidal thoughts may get too much, or you feel desperately alone in a crowed room. 

No matter what your families culture is around feelings and emotions (mine is pretty private, which is hilarious considering I’m writing a blog my experiences), you need to look after yourself. Now more than ever, if you need a break from them see about staying with friends or Church family (I have previously done both). See friends and speak to people if you need to, have some alone time if you need too. 

Know that how you feel will pass (I am still trusting that mine will pass at some point), that although now feels like forever it isn’t. Don’t shut Jesus out, and don’t shut out your people (I say this after last semester where I shut a lot of people out, but even though it’s hard to be honest, it’s so worth it).

No matter what people’s reactions are to you looking after yourself, it’s worth it. We are called to serve God, and to glory him. This means being in a mental space so you can look after others, and seek to glorify him in everything you do. 

You glorifying him right now, may simply be perserving. I know from personal experience that, this can be one of the hardest things to do. Simply keeping going when everything in you screams to stop is really hard, but I promise you with God’s help you can do it. 

I wish I could wrap my arms around you and tell you it will be okay, that God will keep you safe until it’s time to come home. That I love you, God loves you so much more than I (or anyone else ever could). If you tell me, I defo will but if not, reach out to someone I promise you, it’s completely worth it. 

Author: beforeiunderstood

I am 20, born and bread in the UK, I am a Christian trying to live my life for the glory of God. Battling through mental illness and life in general. With the goal of trying to make other's feel less alone.

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